Armageddon

Okay, I don't care what Justin says - I love Armageddon. I realize the movie was manufactured like McDonald's hamburgers, but I like McDonald's hamburgers, and no, I don't want to watch Food, Inc. with my roommate Emerson. I don't really want to know what's in the burgers. Also, while we're on the subject, I don't want to watch King of Kong with Justin. I don't care if all the hipsters watch it - that's the only reason Justin wants to watch it, anyway. The pretty barista at Starbucks with the sleeve tattoo of three Chinese dragons always brings it up. He thinks if he thinks if he takes her on a date to play the original arcade version of Donkey Kong like the one in the movie, he will get some. He told me this in a rare moment of transparency. And now I'm repaying him by posting it on the internet.

We had roomie dinner tonight. Emerson cooked rice pilaf and chicken while Justin and I agreed to do the dishes. Emerson took off after dinner to meet someone - a girl, but don't tell Justin I know. He's not supposed to. He doesn't like her. When Justin and I started the dishes, I turned on the television and, boom, there was Armageddon. It was biblical.

Justin wanted to turn it off. He said it offended him. Offended him. As if Bruce Willis stepped out of the television and threw a knife into the leather chair only Justin can sit in. I said over Bruce Willis' dead body. That was the compromise - when Bruce died, we'd turn it off.

I don't know a lot about movies, but Armageddon always holds my attention. I want to say it's expertly paced, but that reminds me of the speed walking Olympic trials Uncle Patrick tried to enter. He got toasted. You should've seen those competitors walk. But I digress. In Armageddon, it seems like something is always going wrong. And I always care about it. Plus everyone tears up when Bruce and Ben Affleck are shouting, "I love you!" Even Justin.

After Armageddon, The Transporter came on and we watched the first thirty minutes before realizing not only had we not done any dishes but Justin had missed shift change at Starbucks and would have to wait three more days before seeing Three Chinese Dragons, as we call the pretty barista. He punched me in the arm when we found out. I still have a bruise.