Can You Teach Me How to Jerk?

I have to admit something to you. I'll whisper it. Come closer. A little closer. Now back away because I almost kissed your ear. I'm not like that.

I'm not on the cutting edge of music. Most music. I'm pretty cutting edge when it comes to indie rock and acoustic jams because of my roommates. They're so cutting edge. Especially Emerson - he's razor sharp. Emerson isn't allowed to hold babies anymore because of what happened to the last one. But when it comes to all other music, which is like 97%, we're clueless. We get things four years after they come out. Like that time my Uncle Patrick upgraded to Windows 95 after Y2K because he was finally convinced that computers were safe.

Justin will tell you that it's because all other music sucks. He'll probably make some sort of analogy using "faggot." Truth be told, though, it's because it's hard to keep up with music. I get most of it from Justin and Emerson, and keeping up with them is hard enough. If I wanted to add another genre, I'd have to start drinking Gatorade constantly to replenish and refuel. Electrolytes. They're what I crave.

Okay, I'll ask you - have you heard of the jerk movement? I just read an article about in from the L.A. Weekly. Apparently it all started at Hamilton High in L.A., which is like three miles from where Justin grew up. One kid who had a superpower for sick beats moved in, and out of that high school like eighteen jerk rappers and dance groups became famous. It sounds exactly like Footloose. And they were still in high school. Teenagers would line the parking lot for a chance to see them leaving classes. The only time I've ever seen that happen was when Lewis Chase called in a bomb threat on my school and the police escorted him out in handcuffs. Later they found a paper towel roll spray painted to look like a pipe bomb. It was filled with newspaper clipping. We all agreed Lewis Chase was the lamest loner ever, but secretly I wanted to be him.

The problem with the L.A. Weekly article is that I found it two days ago, but it was published in the summer of 2009. I'm almost two years behind. And I still can't do the dance.



That's Audio Push - Oktane and Pricetag. They're my new idols. They do this one move called "the Reject." It's like the Running Man but backwards. I got a concussion earlier today when I tried it and tripped on the cat Justin is keeping for the weekend. Emerson said he would've picked it up but he wasn't allowed to after what happened with the baby. Remember?

I can't tell Justin about my new obsession because he'll just make fun of me, but Emerson is totally in. We watched this music video like six times today, and all we can do is the U.F.O. We're thinking about putting together a dance crew called Megaphlexx. Just the two of us, and maybe that one white kid in the video. I'm pretty sure I've seen him at Yogurtland before.